David Parkin on time for an immersive experience

I DON’T know much about watches, but I do know that men of a certain age can get obsessed with them.

Owning one luxury timepiece is what some crave, but that is the way it starts; it is never the way it ends.

Like cars, there is always a newer, flashier and better model that they must have.

Some people like to post photos of watches from their collection on social media and many go to events staged by watch brands to indulge their acquisitive clientele.

I know of one watch brand that flew some of its high end customers and their partners to Dubai for a weekend in a five-star hotel and fine dining.

When I said I’d be up for that kind of a trip I was told by someone who had been on it that there was only one requirement: you had to be able to afford the personalised jewelled timepiece they offered you on the final day of the trip.

Given my indifference to watches you wouldn’t expect me to be very excited at the news that the flagship store of historic Yorkshire jeweller Berry’s has been converted into a Patek Philippe boutique.

And I’m not.

But the news that the luxury Swiss watchmaker has opened its only UK store outside Old Bond Street in London’s Mayfair in Albion Street in Leeds should be a shot in the arm for the increasingly inaccessible city centre’s flagging retail scene.

Customers have been offered a “fully immersive” experience, which I’m positive is not similar to the fully immersive experience I was offered the last time I walked by Bubbles Spa opposite Derby Station (I have to go past it to get to Pride Park to watch Derby County, you see).

Patek Philippe’s UK managing director Adrian Lurshay, speaking to the Yorkshire Post, said: “When a customer visits they are going to feel like they are in the Patek Philippe world. We are bringing a bit of Geneva to Leeds.”

A quick Google of what makes Geneva so special delivers this AI generated answer: “Its unique blend of international influence, natural beauty, and cultural richness.”

With the Leeds-Liverpool Canal and the weir at the Royal Armouries, I’m not sure we need any more natural beauty.

Cultural richness? The lad that thinks he’s a human beatbox who stands on Briggate ticks that box for me.

And as for international influence, we can fly to all of the Canary Islands from Leeds Bradford Airport several times a week.

I wish Patek Philippe well with its new boutique at Berry’s even though I’m clearly nowhere near its target demographic.

Watches start at a smidge under 14 grand and the most expensive costs just over £305,000 if you are interested.

I do know a man who is.

In fact, I know more than one.

They are a bit of a cult.

You heard me.

I wouldn’t know a Patek Philippe if you tried to hypnotise me with it.

But I was once in a restaurant having lunch with a successful businessman when another successful and powerful individual approached our table.

I introduced the two men and they started speaking cryptically before exchanging the details of what Patek Philippe models they owned.

I was at a loss to work out how they both knew they had watches by the same maker until my dining companion explained to me that they had both seen they were each wearing a small pin badge on their lapel which the Swiss watchmaker apparently provides to each of its clients.

I assume it is a bit like the yellow ‘Y’ pin badges Welcome to Yorkshire used to give out to its partners.

But with less international and cultural significance and influence.

:::

NEWS of the closure of the historic Bradford Club has been greeted with disappointment.

Andrew Batty of Creative Marketing Services got in touch to recount this story about the club that served the Yorkshire city’s great and good.

“Fond memories of the Bradford Club. In the mid eighties I was president of the Bradford Publicity Association. My year in charge meant I found the speakers and one of the hottest names that year was Eddie Shah, publisher of 'Today' - Britain's first national colour newspaper.

“I was proud of my 'scoop' when he agreed and invites went out for the event at the Bradford Club. Some members were senior Bradford Telegraph & Argus staff and the invite came to the attention of the 'father of the chapel' who told the editor that either an article went on the front page saying someone had invited this 'scum' to Bradford or there would be no front page.

“It became headlines. Then I was told the event would be picketed. I felt I had to inform the police who asked me to get Eddie's reg number so two police motorcyclists could meet him on the M606 and guide him in.

“Two vans or riot police were parked round the corner but the pickets - some in full British Rail uniform - were peaceful. The following day another T&A article appeared demanding to know who would pick up the tab for policing a private meeting. Happy memories of the Bradford Club.”

Thanks Andrew.

I know he would be too modest to tell you but Andrew was once named ‘Sexy Networker of the Year’ at the Downtown Leeds in Business Awards.

Apparently his habit of wearing his fleece unzipped to the navel was what convinced the judges that he was the clear winner.

:::

LAST week’s mention of the growing trend on Linkedin for blowing your own trumpet but wrapping it in thinly-veiled false modesty got quite a reaction.

Clearly I’m not the only person to have noticed and got annoyed by self-approving posts which set off a klaxon in my head that screeches: “virtue signalling numpty alert”.

As one reader said to me: “Anybody who starts a sentence with ‘humbled’ or ‘blessed’ needs locking up!”

I could think of other punishments.

And I’m not talking about tarring and feathering them.

How about simply covertly changing their Linkedin password?

They would hate that.

But it would give the rest of us mere mortals a break.

You know the kind of stuff I’m talking about.

This trend of faux modesty, essentially highlighting how you have done a really good thing but dressing it up by talking about the “learnings” from the experience.

It is exhausting to read.

Only this week I saw one post that set new standards for blatant self-promotion.

It was by a bloke who was named Digital PR Guru gold medal winner at the Davos Digital PR Awards 2021.

Now I’m not sure whether these awards in the Swiss ski resort have any link to the annual economic forum that attracts some of the biggest names in business to Davos.

Or whether he just made up the award and presented it to himself when he stopped for a mulled wine on his skiing holiday to Switzerland.

Anyway, the post in question was based on the premise that if he worked for someone else he would be facing a mid-year performance review but because he runs his own business he decided to review himself.

You know where this is going already, don’t you?

Given he is a gold medal winner he had assessed his achievements with gold, silver and bronze awards.

You will be delighted to learn that he gave himself six gold medals and five silvers.

As Bruce Forsyth used to say: “Didn’t he do well?”

“Good game, good game. Higher, lower! Nice to see you, to see you nice! Keeeeep dancing!”

I’m sorry about that, I got a bit carried away and my inner Brucie took over.

“All right my loves?”

Stop it David. Get a grip.

Anyway, where was I?

Assessing the performance of our serial medal winner.

With all those medals around his neck he must be walking about like Quasimodo.

Despite this outstanding personal performance, there was one area where our modest communications guru marked himself as a “fail”.

He hasn’t written his book yet.

Shame.

The post ended with the words: “Did well, but could do better.”

Which is clearly a prompt to get his Linkedin connections to pile in and tell him he’s been too hard on himself and he should have had gold in each category.

It is exhausting reading this self-serving nonsense.

No, not what I’m writing, what he has.

You see I’m a lot more modest.

As somebody once pointed out: I’ve got a lot to be modest about.

Have a great weekend.